New Uses for “Old” Things

When I became a mother 3 years and 8 months ago, I also took on many other roles. Yes, we’ve all seen the list of a mom defined: manager, meal planner, chef, chauffeur, accountant, personal stylist, referee, nurse, the list goes on.

But who knew I would excel in these other, more obscure arenas?

To be added to my resume under special skills, pronto:

Contortionist : When I’m holding my baby on my hip and leaning sideways into the washing machine to transfer the load to the drier while keeping him steady, I consider auditioning for cirque du soliel.

Whimsical Storyteller: My husband tells my son redeeming angry bird stories to put him to bed every night. However when hes out-of-town, it’s up to me. It feel like my brain is stretching and reshaping as I try to keep my 3 year old as absorbed by the story as his daddy does. But something tells me his angry birds don’t live in Paris and start out their days eating pain chocolat while strolling along the Seine with Sophie the giraffe.

Sophie the Giraffe

Superhero’s Architect: Batman’s cave should look nothing like my Barbie doll’s house of yore- so I’m building new wings.

Tai chi Master: The incredible sloooooooooooow mooooooootion precision with which I lay down a sleeping baby, slide my arm out from under him or place his arms under the car seat straps and lock him in without waking him are worthy of Grandmaster status.

Vending Machine: I have been continuously breastfeeding on-demand, without a break, for 3 years and 8 months. Need I say more? Baby’s hungry? Look no further, Mama’s here.

Endurance Trainer: there are times I’ve held my 25 pound sleeping (sack-of-potatoes) baby for 3 hours straight. While standing. Many times, actually. Or times I haven’t moved for 8 hours straight while on an overnight flight so he would stay asleep on my lap. Or that lovely time I pushed my 6 month old straight up a hill in a stroller while carrying his 3 year old brother and holding his scooter in 95 degree weather.  Or the time I carried my sleeping, 35 pound two year old up FIVE flights of subway stairs while 5 months pregnant. Endurance people, endurance. Oh and while we’re at it, let’s  not forget labor and childbirth!

Night Vision Specialist: having a 3 year old in the family bed means there is no turning on lights when changing middle-of the-night diapers.

Ambidextrous-single handed-multitasker: the list of things I can do with one hand continues to grow, and it’s usually my left hand.  Cracking an egg left handed whilst holding my nursing newborn with the other comes to mind.

Detective: Any and every kind. From figuring out an illness to decoding tantrum triggers to hunting for bugs in the dirt, Sherlock, you have met your match.

Polyphasic Sleeper: How have I found time to ace all of my new titles? The same way Leonardo da Vinci managed to excel as an artist, architect, sculptor, inventor, etc. By only sleeping for 15 minutes at a time for a total of one and a half hours a day! Seriously- Who needs sleep?

Unless you’ve figured out how to clone yourself (I wouldn’t be surprised, as inventor could easily be on this list) you can add every one of these to your resume too. Hopefully we won’t be interviewing for the same position.

Mothers are all superheros, and I’m usually wearing my cape! It might look like it’s on backwards with a breastfeeding child’s legs dangling out from under it, but that’s my way of flying incognito.

moms are superheros
My cape, disguised as a nursing cover

What can you add to the list?