I was recently at a neighborhood market where a lady was giving a wine tasting. When I (in all of my pregnant glory) asked her for a pour of the red, she said, and I quote, “I don’t think so! Not a good idea.  I’m not starting you down that road!”
I was floored.
Seriously?
I walked away before my pregnancy related hormones caused me to lash out at her (which I know I have the potential to do- just ask the man on the bus who had the nerve to roll his eyes and cover his ears when my son was crying, which is a story I must tell, but that is another post entirely.)

A few days later, I was having a conversation with a couple I had just met, and they asked me if my 2.5 year old was out of his crib yet.  I said, “no, he’s never been in one.  He sleeps with us.”  I then added- “We’ll see what happens when the new baby comes!  It should be interesting!” She then offered me a piece of completely unsolicited advice about sleep training and how wonderful it is and how they swear by it and even told me the exact method they used.  Once again, I bit my tongue before I said another word.   I’m just glad I didn’t tell them I was still breastfeeding!

It reminded me of the time someone gave me a cry-it-out book when my son was 4 months old- I didn’t ask for it, and we had never even discussed sleep, and in fact this was the first time I had ever met this woman.  She told me she bought tons of them to keep on hand for any new mom she encountered.

Later that night my mind wandered to the many many times moms, some dads, and even people who have no children of their own, have told me how they think I should parent my son.  I am not talking about my own mother or mother-in-law- they get a free pass to offer me any parenting tips and advice whatsoever.

This also doesn’t include websites or books I voluntarily read, or people I actually ASK about things.  What amazes me is how often these people are complete strangers!  I’ve discovered that anything counter-culture or alternative to mainstream that I do as a parent causes lots of people to feel that they have the right to tell me what I’m doing wrong, and what I should be doing.

We’re all doing the best we can as mothers, and obviously we believe they way we do things is the right way (or we would probably be doing it differently!)  The last thing any of us need is to feel any more guilt or regret about our parenting.

The documentary “Babies” (which is now out on DVD) is such a great picture of how four babies from opposite ends of the globe are all raised so differently and yet all hit major baby milestones at the same time and are all generally happy and healthy.  I love seeing them all smile, laugh,  start to say “Mama,” crawl, play, become territorial, and pretty much everything else all at around the same time.  This happens regardless of where they were born (hospital? birthing center? Home birth? mud hut?), the place they sleep (crib? parents bed? out amongst the wild?) , how many music classes they have been exposed to, how long they breastfeed, or how ideal their surroundings are.  To me it was a testament to how truly amazing mothers are from all walks of life.

Final thought to ponder: since motherhood is the hardest job anyone could ever have, yet with no rules or measures of success, no validation, no sense of productivity, and most likely no one telling you how great a job you have done, how wonderful would it be if  strangers and friends encouraged and commended us for taking such great care of our children?

I’d love to hear your experience with this!  When was the last time you were offered unsolicited parenting advice?

Since  my first pregnancy was basically 9 months of bliss, I naively thought any subsequent pregnancies would be the same.  Of course I believed that lots of the things I did preventatively such as working out 4 times a week, staying super hydrated with water and coconut water, applying Weleda Pregnancy Body Oil incessantly, going to bed before 10:30PM etc., helped me to avoid any morning sickness, stretch marks, infections, physical pain, and exhaustion, however in the back of my mind I wondered if I would have felt generally the same had I not done any of these things.

I have unintentionally conducted an experiment on myself, and am here to tell you that all of those things are VERY important.  I am currently battling my second cold, had a stomach virus last month, am still exhausted at 24 weeks, can see signs of stretch marks forming, and feel like I’m slowing down and getting bigger by the second.  I know, I know, I have a very active two and half year old to chase after now:

and getting less sleep comes with the job title, but I have faltered on all the other areas I listed above.  I want to shout it from the rooftops, “PREVENTION REALLY DOES WORK!”  I’m living proof.

If you’re pregnant, take it from me, and take the time to do these things for yourself.  I am starting immediately  We will feel better.

Move your body.  Even if that means getting off the subway a stop early or parking at the back of the parking lot for the extra walking.

Drink TONS of water the minute you find out you’re pregnant.  I read somewhere before I was pregnant the first time that the majority of morning sickness and all day nausea is caused from dehydration.  The water helps to flush out all the excess hormones that are making you feel ick!  This time around, I have to choke down plain water- a drink I usually love- so I found a great remedy to get my H2O intake.  They’re called NuuN Tablets and I drop one in my morning water and go from there. They also give me a natural energy boost from the B vitamins which I desparately need!

Start dousing your stomach and breasts and hips in Weleda Pregnancy Body Oil the MOMENT you find out you are pregnant. I slacked on this one, and didn’t start my regimen until about 2 weeks ago, and as I stated above, I see stretch marks! I’m hoping this miracle oil will help them to vanish before they have the time to take up permanent residence.

Keep healthy snacks with you at all times so you’re not tempted by sugar which depresses your immune system. I’m pretty sure my current illness has to do with all the Magnolia cupcakes I consumed over the weekend. My favorites snacks are raw walnuts, dried apricots, Salmon Packets hard boiled eggs, Greens Plus Bars, and anything by Kopali.

My husband went out and did the grocery shopping, and this is what he came home with:

Organic groceries indeed!

A really good way to get children to enjoy healthy eating is by including them in the process of making it.

One of the Food Rules Michael Pollan suggests is to eat anything you want, as long as you make it yourself. I really like this idea because as he says, you can use quality ingredients, and it takes lots of time and energy (so it’s not like you’ll be making chocolate chip cookies every day!).

We feel the same about juice- it’s not something we want our son to have very often, but all kids love it.  Our son particularly loves orange juice, and by teaching him how to make it, he seems to appreciate it more.  And since this is the (first) phase of his life where he wants to do everything himself, it’s meeting a need in his development.

Even though it’s a bit of a messier process, I really enjoy seeing him so focused on a task, and proud of his accomplishment.

And I love hearing him exclaim, “It’s deelicious!”